"Oh my god, I'm, like, so over people's crap, you know!"
For the love of heaven, will you shut up, you whiny little twat!
On the inside. Out loud, of course, I say, "Oh, I know exactly what you mean."
"People are just so selfish. I mean, Jenni was supposed to tell Sapphire about Lina's premiere, right? And then, like, the morning before Lina gets a call from her agent who's all like 'Hey, what's going on.'"
Good lord, that voice! The drawn-out vowels. 'Like' peppered in every other phrase with a froggy croak. And the ascension at the end of each sentence, as if everything were a question. A twenty-four-year-old supermodel who talks like a toddler with a two-pack-a-day habit. Does she think it's sexy? Does she think of anything but the last post she read on her phone? All I know is we've been driving for nearly three hours and if this doesn't end soon I'm going to aim the Jaguar hood ornament at a telephone pole and floor it.
"And now Lina's getting all pissy and texting Mom. Like, leave Mom out of it, you know! Oh my god."
It started innocently enough. Crystal had to be in Las Vegas by sundown and—her beliefs to the contrary—she's not quite worth chartering a private jet. So, I volunteered. I've been a production assistant on Model Home for three years. Not the first time I've had to play chauffeur, but first crack I've had at Crystal's custom XJ. It is a magnificent beast, I must admit. Purrs like a kitten, roars like a lion, sprints like a cheetah. It's a bit surprising she bought it, being as she hates to drive, but it's a brilliant status symbol.
"I mean, seriously, if Sapphire can't be bothered then, like, why should anybody care about her stupid things, you know."
I nod and say 'Oh?' and 'Uh-huh' at the proper intervals—even toss in a 'No way!' I've picked up listening to Americans—but inside I'm screaming. On set, I don't have to interact with "the talent" very much. I mostly just keep tally of crew and equipment, sign for the catering, and take notes for the script supervisor. Yes, there's a script supervisor on a reality show. Shocked, are you?
"It's not like I don't make sacrifices for her all the time. Last year I had to fly back from Miami on the red eye for that Santa Barbara cruise or whatever. And I friggin' hate boats! Never again, you know? It's like, oh my god, really."
There was a segment on some news magazine show about the degradation of speech in America. They cited two particular terms: "uptalk" — raising the pitch of the voice at the ends of phrases; and "vocal fry" — a kind of throaty growl used to trail off words. Together, they spread a plague of retrograde maturity among young women who demeaned themselves by talking like infants at school or on the job—and all because of the corrupting influence of Crystal Cashima. Oh, she wasn't blamed as Ground Zero for the disease, but she was declared its most notorious carrier.
I glance over and Crystal's lost in her phone, biting her lip. She's already gnawed holes in her sweatshirt cuffs and poked her thumbs through. She has her legs tucked up under her in the passenger seat. How does she even do that? Made of rubber, the girl is. Me, I can barely sit up, my whole body stiff from the long drive and the stress of Crystal's chatter.
"Sometimes I wish people would just, like, grow the fuck up, you know?"
Says the poster child for infantilization!
"I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of catty bitches."
Take arms against a sea of catty bitches, and by opposing, end them!
"Oh my god, I just want to get away from these people trying to make me feel like shit."
In the show about uptalk and vocal fry, they had a clip of Crystal saying "Oh my god!" that they ran backward and forward, sped up and slowed down, to illustrate the point. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh. My. God. Ohhhh. Mmmyyyy. Gahhhdd. We passed that clip all around the crew. A few of them had it as a ringtone.
"You're, like, the only person who's, like, consistently nice to me."
"I'm sorry, what?"
"I said you're the only person on the show who's decent to me."
"Yeah, it's like everyone's always mad, telling us what to do. But you're always, like, please and thank you—like, sweet all the time. And I love your voice, like, your accent. Where are you from again?"
"I'm from England," I answer, starting to feel like a total cow. "A place called Gloucestershire."
"Gloss-tur-shear," she says carefully. "Is it nice there?"
"It's lovely. You should visit next time you're in London."
"Oh my god, you're going to totally hate me, but I've forgotten your name. It's Mary Ann?"
"Miriam," I answer. "But that's what most Americans call me." I exaggerate an accent, "Mairry Yan!"
Bless her heart, she giggles. A pretty ripple of sound.
"You know Sonic Tommy?" she asks.
"You mean the DJ who does the parties?" I picture the spotty kid with nose rings and ginger dreadlocks who's only skill seems to be turning up the volume.
"Uh-huh. We've been working on, like, some music. Can I play you something?"
I cringe. I grip the wheel as three hours of frayed nerves beg for silence. But, of course, I say, "Sure."
"It's, like, a song about my life and stuff. It's called 'Golden.'"
Crystal fiddles with her phone and the Bluetooth touchscreen in the dashboard. Screechy thumpa-thumpa music blasts from the custom sound system. I can feel the roots of my teeth actually thudding with the bass. I'm just about to ask—politely—for her to turn it down when it cuts off.
"Sorry, that's not it."
She keeps scrolling. In the moment of blessed quiet I'm trying to think of some way to ask if we can listen later when a guitar riff begins to play.
It's a gentle acoustic strum laced with deft fingerings, and it draws me instantly.
Did you know
The 2006 horror animated film Monster House is the only motion capture film with an entirely original story not based on any existing source material.
Bill Skarsgard’s teeth prosthetics in It (2017) made him drool profusely that Director Andy Muschietti loved it as it adds to Pennywise’s animalistic nature.
Thailand’s mega-hit blockbuster horror movie in 2004, Shutter, explores the spectacle of capturing ghosts or collecting evidence of the supernatural in photos known as spirit photography. This trend dates back to as early as the 19th century.
The Others (2001)
The Others (2001) starring Nicole Kidman is the highest-grossing Spanish film of all time, yet it had not a single Spanish word in the dialogues.
The Sixth Sense’s
Haley Joel Osment, the boy who delivered The Sixth Sense’s famous line “I see dead people,” got the role for one of three reasons: He was the best choice for it, he was the only boy who wore a tie in the auditions, and he impressed director M. Night Shyamalan for reading the whole script three times the night before the auditions.
Thir13en Ghosts (2001)
Shawna Loyer plays as The Angry Princess in Thir13en Ghosts (2001). This is her first and only film.
The Evil Dead (1981)
The stop-motion sequence where the corpses disintegrate in The Evil Dead (1981) is one of the most intricate parts of the film to edit, as it took hours to make the precise cuts.
The scene where Sadako comes out of the well did not use any special effects in the original Japanese horror installation of Ringu (1998). Actress Rie Ino’o was a student of the Kabuki theatre known for exaggerating movement and jerking motions to convey emotions. During the shoot, the production filmed Ino’o walking backward and ran the scene in reverse, making Sadako’s walk seem unnatural and nonhuman.
Lupita Nyong’o in Us (2019) based her character Red’s voice on Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s spasmodic dysphonia, a disorder that causes involuntary spasms of the larynx. This is to remain in character as Red as it was stated in the script that she had not used her voice in many years. Lupita worked with an ENT specialist, a vocal therapist, and a dialect coach so as not to damage her vocal cords. Welp, that’s a Yale drama school graduate for you.
James Wan’s The Conjuring contains little to no obscenities, mostly bloodless violence, and brief depictions of vices, yet it still received an R rating solely because of its scare factor.
In The Exorcism of Emily Rose, lead actress Jennifer Carpenter spent hours in a room full of mirrors and tried out different body positions and facial expressions in preparation for her role as Emily. Talk about fervent dedication!
Jack Nicholson plauded Shelley Duvall’s performance in Stanley Kubrick’s 1980 slasher The Shining. He claims it was the most difficult role he’s ever seen an actress take on, while Duvall considers it the hardest she has played in her career. She suffered from nervous exhaustion, physical illness, and hair loss throughout filming.
Kiyoshi Kurosawa wrote a novel adaptation of his blockbuster J-Horror film Pulse (Kairo), one of the most popular and finest in the genre, following the film's success in 2001.
James Wan’s 2010 horror film Insidious used thirty-three violins for the theme music.
The Creeper in Jeepers Creepers’ was played by Jonathan Breck. The film’s director, Victor Salva, was so scared of Breck’s test audition that he almost immediately cast him as The Creeper. Following the film’s huge success, Breck proclaims this is his favorite performance.
In case you missed it, actress Jamie Lee Curtis is the daughter of Psycho lead star Janet Leigh. Ironically, Jamie’s first film to star in is Halloween (1978), also a horror movie. She went on to star the whole Halloween franchise—Halloween II (1981), Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998), Halloween: Resurrection (2002), Halloween (2018), and Halloween Kills (2021)— which spans six decades.
Ari Aster’s 2019 cult thriller Midsommar is influenced by Scandinavian mythology. Despite the plot being set in Sweden, many Swedish audiences laughed while watching the movie. Even Swedish critics claim the film as an excellent black comedy.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
One of the most gruesome serial killer films to grace the screens is The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. But did you know its title was supposed to be “Head Cheese”? Would you still watch it the same way it was?
Sissy Spacek, the actress who played Carrie in the 1976 titular movie, slept in her fake blood-drenched prom dress for three days so as not to break continuity.
The Academy has a reputation of snubbing the horror genre, but the world was shaken when William Friedkin’s 1974 film The Exorcist garnered attention in the prestigious award-giving body with not just one, but a total of 10 astonishing nominations.
The Notebook (2004)
The romantic boat ride in the lake where they were surrounded by swans was almost not possible after the producers told the director that it wouldn't be possible to keep swans to stay in the lake. Unyielding, the director raised hatchlings by the lake instead so they’d be comfortable.
Shape of Water (2017)
The film premiered in the theatre where one of its scenes was shot.
Call Me By Your Name (2017)
The actors had only one rehearsal. They were asked to play their grass scene where characters roll on the grass and being intimate, before they know it, the director has already left them there.
Phoenix based his laughter from videos of people suffering from pathological laughter.
Anne Hathaway almost caught hypothermia due to her open astronaut suit while filming the water planet scene. When she informed Director Nolan about it, Nolan rolled his shots.
The main characters each represent important positions in filmmaking. We have the producer (Gordon-Levitt), production designer (Page), actor (Hardy), stand-in Director (DiCaprio), and the audience (Murphy).
the automaton really works and draws George Méliés’ A Trip to the Moon and would take 46 to 47 minutes to complete the drawing.
The animated characters playing the guitar are actually playing the correct notes.
The apartment was built in a large water tank so they can easily flood the set with “sewage water” which actually was a mud facial mask.
In the Mood for Love (2000)
A short Japanese story about two strangers often walking past each other in a stairwell and not exchanging words inspired the film.
Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)
It is Wes Anderson’s first film to be nominated for Best Picture and Director in his nearly twenty years as a filmmaker.
This film brought unknown Cate Blanchett to international attention, and director Shekar Kapur knew nothing about Elizabeth when he took on the project.
Get Out (2017)
The‘sunken place’ is a metaphor of the marginalization of black Americans being silenced by the system.
The film was shot in super 16mm to resemble the photographic film look and feel in the 1940-50s.
Sound of Music (1965)
The film’s success saved 20th Century Fox on the verge of bankruptcy. It was a box office hit, with a worldwide gross of $286 billion (or $2.5 B adjusted with inflation), cementing its spot in the top 20 highest-grossing films of all time as of 2020.
Spirited Away (2001)
Miyazaki had already retired when he worked on Spirited Away. It was inspired by his friend’s daughter and he decided that he wants to make films for ten-year-old girls.
Humphrey Bogart was two inches shorter than his on-screen partner. He had to sit on cushions or stand on blocks to look taller.
Pan’s Labyrinth (2006)
Del Toro had sat next to the famed horror novelist Stephen King and heard him scream at the pale man scene during the film’s screening in New England.
The film was written with Emily Watson in mind but she backed out. The director discovered his star Audrey Tautou from a movie poster while walking down the streets of Paris, thinking who should replace Watson.
You might think that the warm, tropical climate in Mexico got Emily Blunt looking sweaty and pasty… no, it’s not that. She suffered from diarrhea while shooting this scene.
2 BECOME 1
Confident of how well you know each celeb in a pool of stars? Let’s put that to test by guessing which stars are mixed in these photos!
ARE YOU FUN AT PARTIES?
Let’s play a game of “Who Is That?”. Below are images of both iconic and cult-favorite musicians and bands through the years. Follow the instructions, pass, and we might just have the answer to the question, “Are you fun at parties?”
WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY? (FRIENDS EDITION)
Are you an avid fan of the iconic American sitcom FRIENDS? Put your fandom and familiarity of this series to the test, and guess who said these lines!
WHERE TO? The Ultimate Hodophile Quiz
Boy, don’t you miss traveling or at least planning for your itinerary? Prove that you’re a hodophile genius by acing this quiz!
Guess the brand logo
Let's see if you can guess these famous brand logos
NAME THAT ANIME!
Put your Otaku IQ to the test and see if you can recognize these obscure screenshots of some of the most famous anime!
Are you a creepy movie geek?
Let's find out and guess these 20 creepy characters from the blood-curdling films you've probably watched.
ARE YOU A LYRICS EXPERT?
How well do you remember these timeless songs? Guess the song title with these lyrics!.
Two movies in one crazy title, let’s see how many you’d get right.
Are you the kind of movie fan who recites lines?
BANDS OF THE 2000s
How well do you know these Y2K bands and their music?
QUENTIN TARANTINO or MARTIN SCORSESE: WHO CAN DIRECT YOUR LIFE?
Two of the most iconic directors, their films forever shaped pop culture and whose characters are beloved by many. Answer this quick quiz and find out who can direct your life!
How well do you remember these memes?
Prove that you’re a meme lord!
Organize Your Dream Vacation And We'll Accurately Guess Your Favorite Disney Channel Show
Get ready to feel nostalgic!
WHICH DISNEY PRINCESS ARE YOU?
You are the most pretty in the disney princess.
What Type of Loki Are You?
You might have a little bit of Loki in 'ya, who knows?
Let's see how well you know about art.
I feel you know some of these.
Even Non-Reality Fans Should Know What Shows These Iconic Pop Culture Moments Are From
"I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU!"
Let's see how well you know about arts.
I feel relax when I saw like this.
20 Comedy Films With Mind-Boggling Facts
If you haven’t seen any of these films already, no worries, we are not spoilers—NOT.
Identifying The Real Essence of Man
War Veteran and Born Again Believer Steven D. Alston unravels the scriptures and pens down long-sought answers in his first thought-provoking Christian book
The Entertainer: The Sad Story Behind America’s First Pop Star
119 years ago, Scott Joplin composed two of the most popular songs, The Entertainer and Maple Leaf Rag. Both tunes continue to echo to this day.
Origin of Drama, Acting and Cinema
Most people entertain themselves with too many drama films and TV shows but how many of us/them know the origin of this form of art and entertainment?
Stories of the Storytellers
European writers are often at the center of literary discussions. While many are familiar with their name and works, how about their lives behind the bylines?